thoughts on subjects which allude my mind at the time

Have you ever seen some scenery, on a movie, or in a picture or in real life, or even on something completely fake, like a cartoon, and had the thought, " wow, thats beautiful. i wish i could just kick back there and rest for the rest of my days." i have... all the time. its a wonderful fantasy in which you dont know what goes on, because you just float on looking at the scenes before you taking in the beauty, whenever you get bored it changes. this is the realm that i dwell in, with the motto for real life situations being, " itll all work out" or im trying to make it that anyway... floating requires no mindset, you just have to relax, its really hard to do actually. Mainly because life keeps on gettin in the way, for instance, those people who got depressed about not living in the avatar world "pandora" they have the same feeling i do, except life got in the way and stole their dream. While i realize my dreams are founded upon nothing and can never be actualized, its nice just to dream.

Have you ever tryed to describe something so pure and wonderful that words are useless? such as love, nature, an emotion, or existing? it never seems to come out right, sure living is breathing, eating and drinking, but what is truly LIVING or EXISTING? What do you plan on doing with the little time you have here on earth? Roiling in self pity over a lost love or a drama that has no actual purpose is pointless. Emo kids and cutters, while im sure have had something bad happen to them i find have lost the meaning of living. that goes for suicidal kids too. You may think me heartless, but in all reality, they have so little time here that worrying about such events is useless and a waste of time. My emphasis in this paragraph is to get out and decide what LIVING really IS.

right, back to my life....
ive discovered a strange fear of mine, or more like an anxiety feeling
everytime, im home, and the house is quiet i just get this feeling somethings not right..
perhaps its a remnant of seeing paranormal activities, or maybe im just getting lonely at home
but i like having a ruckous going on, people living it up around me makes me more content, and its only when the sun goes down, perhaps its the dark? whatever it is, its not super overbearing but its troublesome, i live on, wishing i had either a nice normal life? (is there such thing?) or a world of my own creation to live in and just mindlessly float on.

this was Matt, signing out.

girls, flu, and scary movies

Let's start off with i hate being sick. i feel, horrible, because im sick, and no one wants to be around sick people so i'm essentially quaratined in my house. my girlfriend tells me to stay in bed, and i know she means well, but i hate not being able to move. coughing sucks, runny noses are easily remedied, but leg impairment, perhaps from decongestants, lack of excersise, or just being sick, is more permanent and bothersome. ugh. top it off with the day before you fell ill, you watched your first scarymovie, and your overactive imagination wont let you forget it, or sleep. i hate being sick.

i love my girlfriend. she's awesome, she plays bass, piano, and guitar. she loves music, and catch phrase. she's beautiful. its hard to put words to do her justice. I hope it suffices to say, i love her.
I'm feeling somewhat pathetic, because although its only been two days i feel like i'm dying inside since i havent seen her, been with her, for at least an hour. maybe im too possesive or clingy, but i really feel the need for some love. and it depresses me that im not where she is.

i hate scary films. they annoy me, and my imagination wont let me forget them. especially now since my audio class, i am more in tune with noises. After watching Paranormal Activities, i no longer have any desire to watch anything remotely scary, and i feel horrible.... why cant things just be forgotten like papers easily discarded?